Lefty’s Journal

Today, I officially welcome July in my life!

At the start of this year, I’ve constantly talked about how everything was going to be different & better. Turned out I was wrong.

Basically, the last couple of months gave me one of the hardest tribulation I’ve ever encountered in my whole entire life. I remember being accused, leaving an important life behind, being distrusted, quitting, became the talk of the town, lying, disappointing, how I almost failed everyone, & how I can’t seem to uphold my principles & ideas in life.

I see people coexisting with life in good harmony. I see people flow the happy river without any ripples. I see people living their dreams & people living serene, & then I see myself & it wasn’t that pleasing as how I thought it would be.

Based on my previous years, I have never experienced a difficult nor an unpleasant life. In the past I was on top of my game & constantly facing life with no doubts whatsoever. You see, I’ve always thought I can be perfect if I wanted to & I sure am a lot braver & tougher when dealing with events like these. However, even if you really like to stay the same, things just change.

When I think about how my life become so slippery & rough, I always think about our Lord. Maybe all these are the signs He is knocking at my door again. It’s not that I pushed & locked Him outside my door, it’s more like a parent setting her offspring free to face the world. He would exposed himself to too much problems & reality that eventually, he would always come back to his mother or father. Yeah! It’s just like that scenario.

My NCM professor also shared this verse to me- Revelations 1:17. At the last sentence of this verse was another name of God- The First & the Last. Based on his cognition (& eventually on my own cognition too), the Lord already loved us way before we were created, even before we roamed the earth- it was God who loved us from the very beginning, & will love us at the very end of our existence.

So I made mistakes a couple of times, been sad & depressed thinking about how I’m alone in this world, been to much damnation, had bad epiphanies, became worst, lost some friends, lost my pride & dignity & conjuncted with events I have never even imagined would happen to me. But who cares? That’s one of the biggest alarm clocks I have ever experienced.

As I have said before, God really do throws rocks at our lives sometimes just to remember how everything is worth livable & appreciable & all we must do is to have faith in everything that we think is right.

At the start of this year, I’ve constantly talked about how everything was going to be different & better. Turned out I was wrong, but then again, what’s to learn when you’re always right, right?

God bless & have a wicked & awesome day! My song for today: Extraordinary Machine by Fiona Apple. “Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.” - Colin Powell.

Shaping in, shipping out, Allan

When Is When

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Got my folders, brush & my luggage

Walk a little, last glance on your face

You never really needed something other than me

In case you just forget, I felt the same feeling

I said I’m sorry for all those things I did

You know that I don’t mean it when I did those things

In time I wish that you could just take me again

& now you know I got to ask you when is when

Why don’t you just let me live happily?

I need some time to think about what’s happening

You told me that you’d do everything to stay

So can you try to disappear, it’s good for me

I know you said you’re sorry for all these things

& that you didn’t mean it, please stop & think

Why’d you even tell me if you just pretend?

So now I cannot answer that when is when

When will you accept my apology?

When will you stop lying when loving me?

When will you continue living in blasphemy?

When are you planning to stop me?

(Chorus)

I don’t know, don’t know why

Am I feeling you’re right?

You never even have to explain

Can you just forgive me?

I’m saying sorry

Things would never be the same again

But I know that I can make things right again

Please just tell me when is when

When will you try to give me space?

How long will you be angry from what I did?

When are you planning to learn from these?

Tell me when this hate is vanishing

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

When is when?

When will you see my point here?

I was trying to think of a good thing that happened to me today & I was desperately trying to take off my mind from the person I’ve transformed into.

I haven’t had the chance to apologize enough to all those people who got involved in the mess I’ve created. Until now, I really really don’t know what happened to me.

I feel like an idiot & a monster at the same time. I feel like a useless son of a gun. I never thought I could be the one who would do such a stupid stunt rather than the one who always stops it. I’ve always been the one who gives advices & convinces my friends to study & now I became the other way around. I’m usually the one who sticks with my friends during a court trial, & now… being in that room, I just felt alone.

I faced the music without my pride nor my childish attitude. Even developed some crocodile skin. I twitched too much & my mouth was dryer than anything I could think of. Haven’t thought of lying even if I wanted to, I myself am a blasphemy in so many levels.

But you know what, I guess I’ve done the right thing- I got out of my safe zone & told that all these people, who got involved, were innocent. Told them I’m gonna show myself up in that hospital, will beg for forgiveness & will take whatever bad names they’ll give me. I am willing to accept.

If, in the end, everything will be useless, I wish I could’ve received another chance. The more mistakes you make, the better you would be as a person, but then again…

I have lost their respect & became a worthless person in many people’s eyes, even if I’d be free from damnation. I’ve learned my lesson & I know I’ll be better. It’s hard to stand up again, but I have to. I know it’s hard to undo but I can redo it all. I still got my family, my friends & my God.

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus …” -Romans 8:1

Yesterday was really an awesome day, despite the fact that the King of Pop, Michael Jackson’s death devastated all of us.

Around seven o’clock in the morning I saw everyone’s tweeting about the legend being hospitalized after having a cardiac arrest. Early new articles stated that they revived him after they implemented Cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR). Then after some praying & tweeting about him being alright, one of his family members confirmed that he passed away.

He was like our father when it comes to Pop music. Not only that, he dominated the 80’s & made a pop culture of his own. At age of eight, he was already loved by many, so you can imagine how many people would kill themselves just to see MJ live.

His last series of concert that was supposed to be next month was called ‘This is It’. Now, it really is. We’ll miss you Michael Joseph Jackson. I’m not that familiar with Farrah Fawcett, but I hope she could also rest in peace. She fought a good fight with cancer & really lived a good life.

Anyways, I’ve been enjoying school lately. Though I’m not really opt to much socialization, at least I can focus on my studies, as well as my high school best of friends.

I’ve also met the best professor in the whole wide world. I’m not kissing up nor being a teacher’s pet or anything, but I’ve learned so much from him & even mastered the eye, its parts & its potential diseases or disorders. Not only did he know how to teach his subject, but he’s also good at sharing the word of God. I really thanked my friend & classmate John Louise for stopping me to go home after dismissal. I salute you Sir Rosano.

Dinner at Little Asia :)

Albeit the occupied schedule that I have right now, I still had the chance to go out & dine last night with the birthday celebrants Rachelle Ang & Phoeberry Kent, Celine Leonardo & Mhae Co & watch the sequel of Michael Bay’s Transfomers. It was a really awesome movie! However, I haven’t seen Up yet & it’s already in theaters! I wish I could have the time again to go out though.

My heart also melted when they really changed the date of our reunion so I could come with them. I really needed that night of fun & laugh trips- Mhae & I were laughing like crazy, & it’s even funnier because Celine is getting kinda irritated because she doesn’t have any idea why we’re laughing & Rachelle was still a sweetiepie! I love you guys!

Anyways, I’ve been looking at my Nuffnang updates lately, & I’m so flattered & honored (really pressured) to see blog readers across the world. I just wanna thank all the blog readers & visitors from the Philippines (of course!), United States, Germany, Australia (I think it’s Achi Tania), France, Norway, Mexico, Canada, Malaysia, & Poland. They’ve been constant readers in my blog & I always see their country everyday in Nuffnang! I really am making a video blog for you guys!

So I guess I have to study now for tomorrow’s quiz. I really learned so many things on the Fundamental of Nursing. They said it’s a boring topic, but I beg to differ. God bless & have a nice weekend everyone! God loves us more than we know!

Shaping in, shipping out, Allan

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I got a little bit too much (Oh-oh-oh-oh). Yes! I did get a little bit too much, & now I have with me my 400th post!

What a day to celebrate this LJ Day! I just figured out that whenever I’m having my nth post day, I always end up having a good… no better day!

I have read awhile ago the first one hundred posts after my 300th & to tell you honestly, I’ve been to crappy moments so nothing can surprise me now. Reading every post from the fourth of March up until yesterday, as it progresses each day to having a beautiful day, made me happy that, somehow, I stood tough through all the experiences I had.. & then I just breathed… heavy- I made it to the finish line.

Kinda think of it, my 301st blog post upto here consisted the biggest changes my life had. I’m also happy that some of my blog posts that talk about promising myself to get back into shape in all aspects of my life, I never broke. I stood upto it & finally, I’m having a nice & peaceful life.

Speaking of getting back into shape, I’m so overjoyed & refreshed when we had a quick Bible study after school with my new favorite professor! The verse was taken from the book of Revelations 1:17 & it talks about how God being the first & the last. I shared my thoughts about this verse- how I tend to be emotional & sad these past few months, & then realized that God was the one who’s hurting more than I was to myself. So from this day forward, I wouldn’t think about being alone or tortured, cause I know God loves me more than I love Him. I love you GOD!

Anyways, I just wanted to share some of my favorite lines I collected from the blog posts I’ve made from the date I’ve mentioned awhile ago.

1. If we don’t deserve to get hurt, then we don’t deserve to love…

2.The notes were laid on that piece of paper. Under those notes were letters, which consistently hide the lyrics embedded to it. Under those lyrics were words… that explain the depth & expression of the song. Like a song that is built to tell endless stories, we, ourselves, are that complicated to know what we truly feel.

3. I had an epiphany awhile ago after I woke up & found myself typing my revised physical assessment findings, editing some of the patient health teachings, organizing all the parts of our case presentation for later with matching add-ons, reading & editing, making a powerpoint for the case presentation, printing two ‘twenty-plus pages’ copies of it, typing our survey tool & planning out our survey for later, counting my remaining allowance to pay the four make up duties I have because I didn’t show up yesterday on our hospital duty, selling a PSP Slim, editing a picture for a tarpaulin, & contacting my downlines for an update, that I possess a one-man army.

4. But it feels so good once you stop hammering yourselves on the head. I know it’s temporary, but hell it’s so damn good for the moment.

5. I just feel so happy getting the perfect card from a deck of unusual fate.

6. March 12, 2013- The little blue boy raved up the theaters earning one hundred sixty million on the tenth day.

7. We need not be afraid to face anything, but if we have to leave someone & something behind, then it’s different.

8. Death doesn’t mean the end, it’s still the beginning of the journey that we’ll be taking.

9. If I have to die, I just want everything being settled. I don’t like leaving bad stuffs behind, I just want my legacy to continue.

10. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

11. I try to be positive, even though waves & waves of tribulation drove me ashore. The thing is, even if I have to be optimistic, fate will never alter. Even if I have to be optimistic, everything will falter, & eventually will lead to failure. Incognito… that’s the word for it.

12. Fate has put me in a pedestal where I can no longer choose. It’s either continue or stop. Either way, I’ll fail.

13. I’ve been always the one who’s giving. Though I’m not expecting anything in return, sometimes I just want to receive, & now I’m demanding it.

14. 3. I wanna be known as a singer & a composer. It’s kinda ridiculous but I really wanted to pursue music as my major career. I mean, this is the thing I love the most. This is my baby, & music is the only thing that defines me. I do not care if it’ll be a rock band or a solo artist, I just want to write & sing!

15. Devastation maybe the most superlative word I’ve ever encountered; there was sadness, there was emptiness, but there was devastation.

16. Imagine the Titanic, how vastly huge this boat is, surrendered to the ocean, what more if it was just me- I’m sinking rock-bottom.

17. I’ve been down before, but never this under. I’ve risen like a phoenix before, I just don’t know if I can do this now. I’ve surpassed all the mayhems before, I just don’t know if I can surpass this without these huge & difficult consequences. I’ve been negative & positive, but never in my life have I been so sure if this thing shall pass, because it will literally take months for me to fix it. I was chosen to win before, now I’m more than just losing.

18. I gained friends, love, pride & money, & I’m afraid that I’d be losing more now. I have opened the door & opened the lights, but all I see now was darkness. I’ve triumphed over failure, now it’s coming back with great strength, & I’m not sure if I could face it. No matter how I try to be positive, I always end up being the opposite.

19. He can’t stop me from doing what I’m about to do. For two years I’ve tried to be on the right track, it took two days for me to realize I was on the wrong train. I was going to the wrong direction. I was dumbfounded to realize it was a mistake from the start to the end.

20. “Don’t you dare jump, Yuan McFallon.” I grinned. He dared fate… who’s winning.

21. I’m not jumping off this cliff. I’m not jumping to end my life. I’m not jumping because I can’t handle these problems anymore. I’m not jumping because I don’t know how. I’m not jumping because I lost. I’m not jumping off this cliff because I can’t cope anymore… wait… I am jumping.

22. I begged faith. Faith begged plan. Plan begged the place. The place begged the world. The world begged fate. Fate disagreed, so as the world, the place, the plan, the faith & I. I’m in the edge of the cliff now, waiting for the wind to do its part.

23. The wind blew me off gently. I can’t continue this any longer. I QUIT!

I’ve started to walk, weeping. I’m going back to the campsite.

24. Everything is set to self-destruct anytime this week, but I’m still holding on my faith so hard that sometimes I think it’s pretending to be strong.

25. I have a lot of dreams & dang it! I’m just nineteen years old. It’s not the end of the world for me. It never was.

26. If people ask me what things have you learned from all of this, I can only say one answer- I tried… & that’s never a waste to me. Good outcomes always exist from negative news.

27. “It’s gonna be me, Daniel (Radcliffe), Dave (Archuleta), Geun-suk (Jang Geun-suk), Danny (Henney), Rob (Pattinson), & my best friend Eric (De Los Santos)” Allan Leyva stated, after he explained why Efron isn’t gonna be joining the said event.

28. 7:47 PM 25-MAR-13

Message 953:

Lan Lan! practice 4 c.c. will start nxt wik thursday. gr8 press launch. no, the shooting of mtnb2 will start on saturday, not friday. ayt?

From: DJ Cheleta

29. This year’s March have proven a lot when I pronounced that it will all be centered to music & mayhems… it actually did.

30. I’ve always denied the fact that somehow, I have changed, & gave out an “I’ve just added some few personalities” excuses. 

31. I used to have a good relationship with my body, school, myself & God. It seems all that was taken away because of everything that is happening now, especially those distractions. I couldn’t take it any longer.

32. Anyways, after a long, long day of chatting, eating & lying around (that’s why they call it a lying-in center! They took the name literally), me & my make up duty buds decided to call it a day & went home. So technically, my day was filled with… nothing. Peace!

33. Okay, let me rephrase that  a little… you all know that I have issues about sleeping, right? For months I’ve been an insomniac since I started my business & of course, my hospital duties. I was a vampire. That’s right, I said it.

34. Just took a long, long nap & I think I’m finally curing my sleeping disorder (let’s see) & my depression. Ti-hee!

35. Even if it’s the holy week, I’m still going to be pretty busy hauling every past mistakes that I’ve done. Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements? I chose the latter since it’s gonna be so worth it in the end. I forgot… I’m already a college senior! Hoorah!

36. Last, last night when I was spending time with myself outside our house I get to see a falling star. It’s not everyday nor every year that you get to see something like that unexpectedly. Then I had an epiphany- good things do come when you least expect it. So from now on I wouldn’t want to be expecting, I would just cling myself to hope.

37.What a way to spend the remaining days of vacation… DVD Marathon at its best! 

38. It’s a great start for me to spend my summer vacation doing hospital duties for six weeks because I get to enjoy every minute of it. Seriously, I think I wanna be an E.R. nurse… or a doctor.

39. It’s not in my nature to get so furious to someone who’s already close to me, but I tend to bite when someone pulls a stupid apathetic stunt because I followed his stupid advice.

40. Argghh! I just hate it when people change so badly for money.

41. I’m still putting myself to my fate & sucking some big faith into my lungs. God bless & have a terrific Thursday!

42.Dear Allan,

You were better than before, although sometimes you think you weren’t. I think it’s because you think that what you’re doing is wrong. You think it’s wrong because they said it’s wrong. It isn’t. I know you Allan- you weren’t that certain about the future but soon you’d clear things out. 

43. A ghost is not the soul of a dead person, it’s more like the memory… legacy he established that will always be remembered through time & time. 

44. I guess it’s time to go. It’s time to open the remaining pages of the book. It’s time to reel in the feeling that everything would be okay & the same when I went to the next page. It’s time for me to continue my journey in a different world. It’s time to get the utmost possibility that all these will be worth in the end.

45. I like to leave with peace & without any assurances or promises that I’d be gone. I already stared blankly for hours & cried my tears to sleep so it wouldn’t hurt that much now.

46. There’s no good in goodbyes… but I guess I owe everyone an explanation, especially that most people care.

47. So it was like first day of school again. At least it was a good start even though I didn’t show my friendly-I-want-to-make-friends-here side of me. On Monday we went to Bulacan for our immersion that lasted until Friday. The welcome was warm.

48. No goodbyes… just fleeting declines.

49.Sooner or later you have to give one up & stick to the one that weighs the most. However, there are circumstances that you just couldn’t choose between them.

50.Headed by the best powerhouse stars of today- Allan Leyva, spokesperson of the clothing company for men, along with his MTNB co-stars Daniel Radcliffe, David Archuleta, Jang Geun-suk, Daniel Henney, Robert Pattinson, Eric De Los Santos, Jeah Jacob, Hilary Duff, Emma Roberts, Paris Hilton. With special participation of the famous Ms. Jennifer Lopez.

51. So now I’m getting used to the life I’m in right now. My life has been actually down the rocks lately & things really go by faster than what I’ve expected. At least it’s getting pretty good now having minimal tribulation.

52. As my bestfriend told me “Finishing college in a different school is the most important for your education. Friends are just bonus.” I did this because I needed & wanted to.

53. I doubt that the current is pretty strong but as long as I remember how to swim, I would actually obtain my goal.

54. Whether I’m in different locations, different school or in a different life. My goals are the same, my heart is still the heart of a champion, my passion is still burning, & the commitment is still blooming. At first I’ve given a damn about everyone, now I’m thinking about myself too

55. I suddenly remembered how they imposed that I should stop blogging- crap is what they call it these days.

56. Well, let’s just say that blogging was like my personal frenzy- it really feels good when I’m typing all my thoughts where the public can read it. I mean, there’s nothing really wrong or jologs about it, I also blogged because I want to remember what have I been doing, saying or thinking over the past few years. It’s my techi-diary, you see.

57. I would prefer photos & texts as a means of communicating with the community, not that I’m against the whole idea- I love people who vlogs their life especially iShatonU, Shane Dawson, HappySlip, David Archuleta (Duh?!), Nigahiga, Gabe Bondoc & Fred. I’m just not brave enough to, you know, do that thing where I have to stick out my face on the youtube screen *hehe.

58. Platinum Prince Mr. Allan Aldrinne Leyva leads the famous singers of today who will bring you a lot of musicatastrophe & surprises for the benefit of our Earth. Other singers include the MTNB stars Daniel Radcliffe, David Archuleta, Jang Geun-Suk & Daniel Henney, with Zac Efron, Robert Pattinson, Hilary Duff, Emma Roberts, David Cook, Michael Johns, Eric De Los Santos, Jeah Jacob, Eunice Galos, Jennifer Lopez, James Morrison, Craig David, Pussycat Dolls & many, many more.

59. Although certain that I’m happy & contented to my life right now, I’m just wondering if it’s better if we end up to a someone who we really wanted to be. I personally think I’m better off as a singer/compositor/actor/model/cardio-thoracic surgeon/architect; with just a better voice, good looks, a brilliant mind, & tons of money, I might be able to pull it off… who am I kidding?

60. Just keep that fire burning. Maybe someday, you might end up telling yourself that this is who I am. *Smiles*

61. I recently heard the song where Leighton Meester (my future wife) have been featured- her voice was a lovely as her looks. I also fell in love with David Archuleta’s (my future husband…lol) Touch My Hand.

62. I remember how she recently picked me up from the hell I’ve been through & she never gave up on me. With her condescending tone of voice, she motivated me to finish something that I’ve started. I remember how she called the one who cursed & threatened me & fixed it all up. I remember how she brought me two Figaro puddings (my favorite) when I was sick in bed. I remember how we laughed together from our conversation yesterday evening. I remember how she recently became happy albeit the problems she’s been through for us.

63. Though I see myself as a weak person, experiencing every hell of a situation from the last couple of months gives me the right to say that I’m strong.

64. Last night we kinda went back in time, like a decade ago. I really appreciate how teen movies were like when I was like nine years old… or ever younger actually. Those movies, like Can’t Hardly Wait or Not Another Teen Movie, were like the reason why we have Mean Girls & She’s The Man today.

65. Instead I was really serious about the worksheets that our lecturer assigned for us to complete without assistance or help whatsoever from anyone. I paddled my own canoe at last.

66. It’s healthy for me to keep silent too- I don’t know but I just really like seclusion once in awhile. I faced the music & it’s time for me to get my life into shape again.

67. You could say I’m one of the craziest die hard fans when it comes to this 18 year old boy whom I got so addicted to ever since he auditioned from American Idol to having his own self-titled album. The best thing of it all was we’re both the same- we write songs & sing together! We’re both Tenors who also knows how to play the piano (okay, I’m really not that kinda good in musical instruments but I try) & we almost have the same attitude & weirdness. So what did I find in him for this guy to pass my standards & be my Lifetime idol? Just the fact that I’m this guy’s twin brother.

68. I would never ever forget this red-letter day! There was the two Davids having fun on the stage & me being a usual crazy fan.

69. It was really cute how David Archuleta danced to his song Zero Gravity. His voice really swept me away. For that moment, it was like the two of us there.

70. It’s four o’clock in the morning & I really had no intentions to hit the haystack. Maybe I’m not that sleepy, or I’m being an insomniac again.

71. I just know that I want to be a singer & a composer like *eherm, David Archuleta. I really want him to share his destiny to me. We really are twins.

72.  Unfortunately, it’s really unimaginable to be someone who you know will never be you. I really want to keep my hopes high up but reality really bites.

But if things really turn out what you want it to be, it would really feel like zero gravity.

73. I really really had a long today. Apart from waking up so early in the morning, I also bonded with my bestfriends, tasted Quesidillas, threw a couple of tantrums & had a mall-after-mall adventure.

74. Since the first time I saw David Archuleta auditioning in American Idol upto having his first self-titled album, I was already mesmerized by his voice. Now, I still have the goosebumps whenever I hear or see my ultimate idol.

75. A syndrome is a group of symptoms that together are characteristics of a specific disorder, disease or the like. The predisposing factor of Archuleta Addiction Syndrome or AAS is David A. himself.

76. Okay judgmental people, I can explain the reason behind my email address.

Tell me I’m stupid but I made this email when I was like twelve years old, so I apologize for the weird plus wrong email address. I wish I could change it but I can’t. Wish I could replace it but I had that email for seven years & changing it would be deleting all those web memories for the last seven years.

77. Get ready guys because this would be judgement day for American Idol top two finalists Kris Allen & Adam Lambert. I actually am rooting for Danny Gokey (I was first mesmerized by his Hero performance) but America decided it was time for him to go home (Crap!). Anyway the last update I heard in A.I. was when Adam scored round two after Kris won the first. Who will win? I’m about to find out. David Archuleta is there!

78. I heard from dialidol.com that Kris won American Idol. They have never been wrong. Supposedly Adam wins by 1% so it’s close. Sorry Adam Fans…

79. Whenever I’m furious, I always get these weird spasms all over my body, it was like I’m having a seizure. My blood pressure are going up & I get tachycardia (abnormally fast heart rate) & tachypnea (abnormally fast breathing) real fast (not like it’s new to everyone).

80. It’s a great Friday morning today albeit the lack of sleep (because of some cockroach in my bedroom accident)- I woke up at four o’clock in the morning & found myself running with my little sister after that. I’ve also spent a nice breakfast with my family & tell you what, simple gatherings like this makes you feel more appreciative & thankful to everything you have.

81. No matter how much effort I put on, it always results to a disaster. That’s why it’s time to say goodbye to the old me. They say if you can’t tear a single page then throw the whole damn thing. I would miss everything but it’s just the way everything should go from now on.

82. Life is all but a ten-decade existence in this planet- & in that ten-decade human lifespan, you have the power to change the world.

83. Life is what brings wars, causes poverty, takes calamities but gives hope- It is also what brings peace, causes awareness, brings blessings & gives hope.

84. Burn every past memories. Throw away the mistakes. Put out the flame. Condone the sin, not the sinner. Cut the string of history. Grow as a new seed.

85. I actually have twenty days more to enjoy the summer vacation just before torture starts again… I mean school.

86. Well, I guess I really have to focus than whine about it. I mean, I only have one more year to finish college & I’m up to chase my dreams. The only thing I need to do now is focus on whichever the school bus wheel takes me. No business first, no social life to focus on- it’s all about bonding with books & staying away from tempting activities.

87. Today, we set our paths & goals while we hone ourselves to being the best at everything, but when we’re kids, we’re just paving the exit to go outside & play whatever games kids play up until today. I miss being a kid again.

88. It’s appalling to see a family member going through a lot of pain. The sad thing about it was seeing him suffering while you can’t do anything to stop it but pray for him to be better.

89. When I watched the video, I can’t help but cry cause I remembered my grandfather who died from Diabetes Mellitus. I remembered how my grandmother told me that he can’t help but jump when he heard I was born. I remembered how he always buy me Lego after our Sunday mass. I remembered how he thought me the word of God, how I should respect everyone in the church, how I shouldn’t steal & how I should give my offering to God.

90. Like Brittani said, sometimes God throws rocks at you so you could be reminded how lucky you are to have a family beside you. I miss my grandpa. I wrote him a song after his burial, it’s Please Say Goodbye.

91. I juggled two worlds at the same time- school & business. The bad thing about it was I kinda gave up being a hardworking student just to become a successful networker.

92. I’m going back to what I am before October 8, 2008.

93. Okay, so we’re heading to La Union this evening for a three-day vacation. I hope Mr. Sun won’t fade away & to finally have that tan body I’m longing for so long.

94. Thunderbird Resort is heaven! It’s like we were in Greece. We swam there for hours until I got the skin I desired… well not really. It’s so much fun bonding with Reese’s family & I’m really happy I went with them.

95. About my grammars, I’m really really sorry if I get a little illiterate sometimes. It’s just that I tend to type all my ideas that I’m thinking now that I’m forgetting how to construct a good sentence. Nobody’s perfect even though we’re trying. Well at least, I could still release all the things I wanted you to read. Don’t you worry, I’m beating myself up to get a good blog post. Props for me, I guess.

96. If you know me too well you would say my biggest fear would be frogs or lizards or even darkness (I’m kinda conquering that fear by the way), that’s not even close to the fear that I already had since I was oriented from reality. I think there’s no scientific name for it but it does exist- Future Phobia

97. It’s my first time to have a dad whom I could share my ideas & opinions with. It’s my first time to have a dad who texts me if I’m doing alright & if I’m having a good time when I’m away. It’s my first time to have a dad who worries if I haven’t eaten yet. It’s my first time to have a dad who drives me to where I’m having my nursing duty. It’s my first time to have a dad who picks me up at a bus station or at school after my community immersion. It’s my first time to have a dad & I can see my mom looking so happy when he’s around. It’s my first time to have a dad whom I can really depend on. It’s my first time to have a father whom I know will be there when I need him. It’s my first time to celebrate Father’s Day this year.

98. If you think my family is still broken… guess what, you’re the one who put us back together.

99. Leyva’s close friend & MTNB co-star David Archuleta also explained the gossips in his MySpace blog last night.

“The news about MTNB kicking out Allan on the fourth part was just a false rumor, nothing big about it. I read the third script for the movie & I’m pretty sure Allan is still part of the movie until the end. It actually won’t be MTNB without him. To the one who spread the rumor, Daniel (Radcliffe), Guen-suk (Jang), Z (Efron) & Rob (Pattinson) & I would like to ask you to stop throwing negative things to Lan (Leyva).”

Zac Efron, one of MTNB co-star, also posted a message from his Twitter. “Allan isn’t gonna leave MTNB. Stop spreading lies or we’ll beat the crap out of you!”

100. The best things in life aren’t just free, but it isn’t obvious too.

101. I took a walk in the school hallways for the last time. This is a permanent part of my life & it’s taken away from me. I reminisced about the dramas we had in this vicinity. This was like the place where i grew up, met the friends I was gonna spend the rest of my life & where I’m hauled to be a better person… a great person. This was my final moment & it’s like burying the Allan that stayed here for four years.

& I am reborn…

102. It’s kinda ironic actually- my first day on the last year of my college life.

103. “It really is a big change since we started Trigger,” Allan Leyva said. “I still don’t have any ideas about the new season but I’m pretty sure we’ll be having a whole new set of characters on the show since the shooting will start next week.”

104. Allan Leyva, on the other hand, will be working on his ninth album, several concerts including OutdooR (together with Hilary Duff), & his newest clothing line ALL-ANew by Clothes Over Bros For Him. He will also promote the sequel of his biggest movie blockbuster Meet The Newest Beatles.

105. After all, we really have to messed up… to step up.

106. Anyways, I’ve been talking a lot about that school thingy & those goodbyes, while I’m trying to be positive… so, I guess it’s time to kick all my emotional warts & focus on some really big & important things.

107. The worst part is everyone seems to talk about the bad things you’ve done than the good things you’ve achieved. Well, in this society, we just work like that- finding some holes in your life, gossip about it & then condemn you as if they’re that perfect.

108. Those people who tend to shout at me when I did something wrong, who pinch or punch me (which is our way of saying I love you), who tell me to pull myself together, those that care enough to open the internet & read my blog so they could be updated in my life, & those who have problems too so they can relate to the things that are also happening to me.

109. As I have said from my explanation in Facebook, that’s how people are entertained- they rather talk about the mistake you’ve unintentionally done than the good deeds you made.

110. The one thing I can’t get is how they couldn’t cancel all school levels even if those college students would just experience the same fate like those of the lower level students when they go to school in a rainy day.

Shaping in, shipping out, Allan

¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨
¨°º¤ø„ LEFTY’S JOURNAL¸„ø¤º°
¸„ø¤º°¨CELEBRATION“°º¤ø„¸
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Good morning everyone! Just found out there’s no school in preschool, elementary & high school level here in the Philippines because of the ‘Feria’ storm featured on CNN & on the local news yesterday. Okay, so now I’m waiting for the announcements if ever there’s no school in college too.

The one thing I can’t get is how they couldn’t cancel all school levels even if those college students would just experience the same fate like those of the lower level students when they go to school in a rainy day. I’m not praying for cancellation of classes in college today (actually, I am… but I get education!), but isn’t unfair for us college students to get wet while they’re resting in their comfortable clothes while watching cartoons in their homes? Wouldn’t they understand that age group matters than school level?

Anyways, here’s my 153rd song Fall Down. It’s kinda funny that the title seems to be relevant to this rainy day. Have a good day everyone! Oh yeah! Congratulations to my brother (lol) David James Archuleta who will be receiving a certified gold plaque for his album today… I’m just thinking, shouldn’t we received that award instead since we’re the ones who bought the abum? lol Just kidding David!

Song for today: Please Don’t Stop The Rain (lol) by James Morrison

Fall Down

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Fall down (Repeat 4x)

I’m soaring high

Soaring all across the seas

Free as a bird

Everyone can see

Flap my wings & fight the air

Strolling in the sky of despair

Then someone pulled, pulled me behind

Well, so much for my perfect life

(Chorus)

Fall down (Repeat 4x)

I don’t give a damn on

On your troubles

Don’t you tell me I am part of this rumble

Fall down (Repeat 4x)

I could help you blow this mess away

But then again

I’m not your aide

Don’t try to mess with me

I swear

I’ll try to stop your foolish plan

It’s your turn to suffer & regret

When you ignored my cry for help

(Repeat Chorus)

Leave me be

Live your life

Please ignore me like before

We’re not even

Friends no more

So what the hell are you here for?

Don’t try to call me with you faking eyes

(Repeat Chorus)

Again & Amend

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

(Chorus)

I don’t know if I could see you again (Again)

I don’t know if I could love you again (Amend)

(Repeat 2x)

I put these pieces back on my opened chest (Upset)

Turned off the lights & just went to bed (Distress)

I faked a smile & a laugh but then again, I’m depressed (Depressed)

I came for you & in the end I’m so dense (Offense)

You had me going the whole time

Then again, I believed that lie

Now you’re calling me again (Again)

(Repeat Chorus)

Good for you to all the plans you’ve made (To hurt me)

You know that I am still suffering (Well done)

You had my heart & put it in a box

Tried to seal it without your loving part

Now you’re trying to make some right amends (Amend)

(Repeat Chorus)

(Instrumental)

I don’t know if I have all the strength (To move on)

It felt so real so I need some wake up calls (hone me)

I don’t know if I could cry anymore (I could no more)

I don’t know if you were listening (to my song)

Under the sky it’s all so peaceful now

Inside of me there’s these sudden doubt

Just call me again

Make some amends

Say you had your faults

So I won’t let you go

But

(Repeat Chorus 3x)

& in the end I thought you would come back

I don’t get posers. It stresses me out actually.

Wowowee buzzers! :D

Anyways, I forgot to share my story last last Saturday, June 13, when we visited ABS-CBN Studio 4 (I’m not sure if it’s 4) to watch Entertainment Live… live! lol. But before that, we had a great time touring the different studios like Singing Bee, Going Bulilit, Pilipinas Game knb?, & some of those sets there. I also learned how modern cameras can make the studio bigger on TV. Then we watched the hosts interviewing a couple of famous local stars & had pizza after the show.

Last week I also got in trouble for uploading a video in Youtube where my duty-mates were acting like bad hosts from popular TV shows & teasing each other. When we entered the hallway leading to the Operating Room & to the room where we were supposed to stay, one of my classmates there said something about the OR being a slaughter house.

That was a very, very big misunderstanding because I won’t upload something that will hurt people’s feelings. The slaughterhouse statement was pertaining to the room where we are assigned & that our duty-mates are those that kill the animals.

I was completely shocked when I received a letter saying mean things about us. My point is, I don’t just upload something where people are involved. We respect the institution because we learned so much from them & their experiences & that video was a meaningless joke to us. It’s just so devastating to hurt people unintentionally & get in trouble from our crazy antics.

I needn’t to explain this incident but other people were butting in just so they could somehow gossip about it. As I have said from my explanation in Facebook, that’s how people are entertained- they rather talk about the mistake you’ve unintentionally done than the good deeds you made.

The incident lead to problems in my clearance & I’m having a difficult time trying to protect my name by explaining those that we’ve done in that video. It’s just so sad that people see me as a bad egg & a social climber. I don’t do stuff to be known (even worst, be known as a bad person) or to be talked about or something- I’m really satisfied to the way my life has been treating me & to the friends that I’ve got.

Speaking about friends, I’m really glad that my best of friends believe me & that they’ll protect me no matter what. I don’t really hide stuff like this from them & they know I always tell them if I’m right or wrong… & they know me! I’m just happy that some people doesn’t need a reason for them to believe you. That’s trust right there!

& speaking of believing, I’m also having troubles in believing some celebrity tweeters & plurks. I really don’t get why people need to have a tweeter from someone who aren’t them. Okay, so I’m making a big deal out of this trifles but I really need to know if the ones I’m following or plurking with are the real ones that I AM following & plurking with. Sheesh! & to make matters even worst, the ones that I was constantly asking never replies to me. Talk about ignorance… I’m not sure if they can read them at all, but I promise, I will never ever be like that if (or when :D) I become a famous singer or whatever.

Anyways, I’m gonna end this thing already. Hmm.. what happens in being positive? Well… I am! But what’s there to be positive about all these things? lol I, however, am still trying to be positive here especially that I’ve lost a couple of weight in just three days! Yep! Thanks to those slimming pills & exercise! I proved it this morning when I didn’t have any trouble fitting in my old jeans that didn’t even fit on me three days ago! Woot! God bless & have a nice day everyone!

Song for today: Someday by John Legend

Shaping in, shipping out, Allan

Okay, you have to guess what my E.L.I.T.E. Beat means. This is my favorite composition so far…

E.L.I.T.E. Beat

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Can you hear the sounds?

Focus, listen now

Stop the voice & hear

All that beat from here

I cannot believe

That there’s music here

It’s getting so clear

It’s coming from me

(Chorus)

I don’t care if I am gone

I just need some dancing now

Feel the trance coming from you

I can feel my heartbeat too

It’s alright, just take this night

As a gift from up above (we’re one tonight)

Why should we start a fight?

When you can move your feet so right

Hate triumphed by love

We’re in the end one

Just hold your hopes & dreams

All that we achieved

Set your goals into this night

Fire burning in our lives

No more lies & no more cries

With our fame, we’re out of sight

(Repeat Chorus)

This feeling never comes twice in our lives now

Move your feet & feel some beat now

This is like a one-night gig bar

Dance it off until you reach the stars

(Instrumental)

People in this world let me hear you shout

Get out & enjoy this crazy sound

Ladies over there, please don’t be shy

This night is so intense, you will never die

(Repeat 4x)

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

I was browsing my Friendster buddies awhile ago & I saw one of my friends in the networking business wearing my Adidas jacket that he borrowed months ago.

& it looks good on me than on you!

So the story of how he borrowed it from me was when we were at a club & I took it off because it was so hot in there. He asked for my permission to wear the jacket & out of courtesy, I let him. Minutes later mom called me to check up on me & I decided to go home because I think I remember it was a school night. Eventually I called a cab & then forgot the jacket he was wearing. I told my friend to tell him to give it back tomorrow.

Months later, & I still haven’t got my jacket. I know it’s something to be trifled with but seriously?! Borrowing is not the same with taking it.

Actually, it happened a lot of times now. My iPod, one of my composition folders, my Maternal & Child Health Nursing book, my 2gB Flash Drive & my Nintendo DS Lite.

When I had my first make-up duty during my second year of college(because I was late during one of our community services), I met this guy who’s looking for an iPod. I’m planning to buy a new one with the same style & color because my Nano’s had this broken Hold button & there’s no one to fix it. He agreed to buy mine so we met at some place days later to purchase it & I then bought the one my friend has.

Weeks later he complained about how the exterior of the iPod is damaged. I thought “what do you expect? You bought a second-hand iPod.” However, being a good person that I was, I agreed to switch my new Nano for the old one but he has to give me a couple of bucks to be fair, & then he forgot to bring mine while I gave the new one.

Days later I asked him when can we meet to get mine, then it turned to weeks, months & still no reply whatsoever. A year later my mom fired up because that person doesn’t know how to give back a thing that’s not his. He texted me saying his old maid stole it from him. Sucks, right?

So there I was, asking him to pay me five thousand pesos even though it was supposed to be more than six or seven. He transferred four thousand to my ATM & never got back the one thousand.

A networking friend of mine also borrowed my composition folder for awhile just to have something that she can put her paper on to write. I asked her to bring it tomorrow & I went home. On the following day I asked her about the folder & she didn’t know where she put it. (You do know how important my songs are to me, right?) Days later I asked her again & then she just laughed it off saying that it’s already gone. I even went to the Lost & Found office to look for it, but I didn’t get it back. I haven’t had any copy of some of my songs there because I’ve written those songs when I was in high school. Luckily, I recorded it months ago & put it in my imeem profile so all I need to do is listen to it, but I’m still not sure if I have all of it.

The one who lost my composition folder is also the one who borrowed my book which until now, she has never returned. We both have the same course & the same level & there was a time I arrived at the office after school, so she borrowed the first volume of my Maternal & Child Health Nursing book because she spent the cash to something else rather  than the book. Day after day after day I’ve constantly asked her to bring it back to me but she always tells me that she always forgot & that I need to remind her before she goes out from her house. That was a year ago when she borrowed it, & now she haven’t returned it from me. The worst part is she’s not complying nor answering anymore when I text or call her. My mom’s studying nursing too & we will need that book soon.

My friend & at the same time my downline borrowed my USB flash drive for her to save her projects on. I know I should learn my lesson but still, I agreed since I trust this friend of mine so much. Okay, it’s already two months since I let her borrowed it from me, I hope she didn’t lose it or something. I had copies of some of my songs there.

My duty mate back then borrowed my Nintendo DS Lite for a week & he gave it to one of my closest friends. I talked to her awhile ago & then she gave it to another friend of mine so I was relieved that I’m getting my gadget soon. At least we still communicate & that’s better than the people who borrowed the things & didn’t even have the courtesy to reply.. or to give my things back to me. So that’s why today, I’m really gonna be hesitant if someone borrows something from me.

Happy Father’s Day to all dads out there. Some of you really deserve this day. Happy Father’s Day to my mom & my step-dad. God bless & have a nice & quiet, & hopefully not nostalgic, Sunday!

Song for today: Please Don’t Stop The Rain by James Morrison

Shaping in, shipping out, Allan